ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

So, I'm an ENFP in a test I just took - it's the same result as when I was a kid, which is consistent with personality theory. Why haven't I given my personality the respect it deserves by choosing environments in which my personality can thrive? That is a question that I will be asking during the transition process as I leave graduate school with my master's degree.

End of the Semester Wrap-Up

I am a bad blogger. I keep thinking that no one reads this, or on the other end of the spectrum...that why SHOULD anyone be reading this and it's narcissistic to blog!

I am happy.

I received straight A's for the first time since early college, and I was planning a wedding too during the semester! I couldn't believe it at first when I found out my grades! Well, perhaps there were several factors in that occuring, but the most positive one for me to take in is that the more I have on my plate, the better I am at juggling my tasks. It reminds me of when I was a waitress: on the very busy days, I could handle whatever was given me, yet on the slow days, I just couldn't get a groove going. Seems to be happening here too.

So, the wedding is a little over a month away, and I can't tell you how excited I am. It's not even this ridiculously planned affair. It's just some kick assed party in the middle of nowhere with excellent food and wine, and it's perfect for me and my guy. He's busy planning the honeymoon and it is going to be fantastic. I'm not a camper in my heart of hearts by myself, but something I've become fascinated with is being in a camping situation with Jason. I'm able to learn all about nature as well as trust someone else's judgment in a different situation, and that's really cool to be around.

There will be lots of wedding and honeymoon photos at some point. Will be fun to share them on here. :)

Dreams of Flying Bicycles

If the wild-bird could speak
He'd tell of places you have been
He's been in my dreams
And he knows all the ways of the winds

Polly, come home again
Spread your wings to the wind
I feel much of the pain
As it begins

Dreams cover much time
Still they leave blind the will to begin
I searched for you there
And now look for you within

Polly, come home again
Spread your wings to the wind
I feel much of the pain
As it begins

Polly, come home again
Spread your wings to the wind
I feel much of the pain
As it begins

~"Polly," sung by Robert Plant & Allison Krauss

I had a dream about Nick the other night. We were riding bicycles in the sky over the wildfires in Malibu. We were holding hands. It felt so nice. I was telling him how I thought it was cool that he could ride his bike anywhere in the sky now. He agreed, saying that he was really happy to be able to do that. He told me that he loved spending time with me and also expressed happiness that I could share this time with him. I was surprised in the dream that Nick could be so verbally open and expressive; it wasn't something that he was able to do in his human life.

Two interesting thoughts:

1) I was at a conference in Pasadena the day Nick died - only a few hundred miles away. Coincidentally, I witnessed someone's death scene the same day that Nick left. A man at the conference suffered a heart-attack and died in front of the attendees. Although the conference resumed once the paramedics left, I felt shaken: I had not been at my father's death scene (he, too, died while working, as this man did) and had always wondered what that was like. The next morning I left the conference with the heaviness of life and death on my mind. I caught the Metro from Pasadena to Long Beach, rented a car, and drove up the coast to Malibu. I wanted to see the Pacific Coast Highway and Mulholland Drive.

sunset, Pacific Ocean, June 9, 2007

Mulholland Highway, Malibu, June 9, 2007

It was creepy up there, but really beautiful. Eerily quiet. I called Jason and spoke to him briefly as the fog rolled in from the ocean. He was working on music with Jake - another typical Friday night. I became a little worried as the roads became difficult to see from fog, and made my way back down to Huntington Beach to a friend's house. My heart was full in that valley. I remember thinking how hard it was to comprehend how big the world is, and how lucky I am to have encountered those I've met, and how grateful I am to love the people who are in my life. If you think about how many people there are in the world, it makes those you know especially important.

2) I've been thinking about the dream that I had the other night. I'm pretty sure we were holding hands because my mind is trying to understand the extent to which I cared about Nick. I wonder if we really were in Malibu in my dream, and I wonder to what extent he might have been with me, newly awakened only the day before, on my June 9 journey in Malibu. I will never know these things, but I know this: my grief process confirms the depth of my love for him.

I have mixed feelings about the next conference of SPR (Society for Prevention Research), which will be in San Francisco in early June, right around Nick's one year anniversary. I wonder if I will go to the Bridge. I wonder if I'll peer over the rail. I sometimes wish that my empathy for loved ones didn't cut so deep.

Huntington Beach, CA

Stevie D. and Strawberry say Happy Autumn folks!

It's so pretty here these days in State College. It is hard to dislike being somewhere when nature's kiss comes right to your lips with cooler weather and bright, beautiful dying leaves.

These are photos taken off the highway on the way to Pittsburgh

Our neighborhood by South Atherton Street

Stevie and Strawberry earning their keep, raking leaves

Andrea helped

Happy Fall!

October birthday

Some things change, and some don't.
Beth, September, 1981
Beth, October 6, 2007
Today I'm 34. It's the last year that I can check the "25-34" age category!!

There are lots of things I know now that I didn't know any time before this moment, and I'd like to reflect on them:

Any moment can be held onto as long as we want to, and we can also choose to let go of these moments. They don't necessarily define us.

Hangovers are bad, and no longer worth the few hours of gregariousness that drinking provides.

Wherever you go, there you are.

Intuition is good, but can also be thinly-disguised projection. Either way, it's a shot in the dark to intuit something, because we never know what's outside of our own minds. Therefore, we never really know if our intuition is correct. Too much error variance kicking around in that equation (I can hear the snorts coming from my schoolmates).

You can still be a feeling person and emotion-regulate.

Too much of anything is not a good thing.

Things really do skip a generation.

If we are angry at someone, it's more than likely that we are seeing something we dislike about ourselves in someone else. Really. Look deep into it. Deeper. Deeper. Yep, there it is. Don't you feel better now?

Elders, however naive and/or misguided you feel they are, really do know a lot more than you do. It pays to listen to their perspective. You'd be surprised at how yours will be similar to theirs at some point.

Happy Birthday to Me.
I miss my loved ones like crazy and I had a lonely birthday without Mom and Mike, Eric, Grandma and Kevin, Jason, and Devin. As usual, no birthday goes without thinking of Dad. Thanks to all of my loved ones for loving me and walking with me on my path. I love you all so much.

Harvest Time in State College

This time of year is so special to so many people because of the colors of the trees, the smokiness of the air, and football. The last one, for me - (insert 'Borat' accent here) not so much.

Nevertheless, it's really fun to see everyone out here enjoying the Nittany Lions have an, er, amazing? eh,...(not so much?) football season. It's also nice to hear the band practicing 3 blocks away from my house, yet sounding as if they're serenading me a-la Say Anything right outside my window. Unfortunately, Lloyd Dobler is not outside of my window with a boom box playing Peter Gabriel like in the movie; in his place are many, many spiders and crickets (blech!) crawling outside, dying to get in my window, and the music I hear is usually the inane frat boy music that is heard around 2am as the die-hards go for another round. I think last night was particularly touching as I was privy to learn that "Wheel in the Sky" by Journey and "Shooting Star" by Bad Company are very much alive in the hearts of young people.

But enough about Late Night Penn State! Take a look at these tomatoes, people! Never, never have I enjoyed a tomato quite like the one below:

I'm most impressed with the magenta-colored fruit and the redness in the outside. Beautiful! The inside rivaled a plum in its sweetness. I had a 'Like Water For Chocolate' moment eating it in my salad! Both Mary (my roommate) and Brandi (my raw food goddess friend) enjoyed these succulent tomatoes as well. Brandi may have had a 'Like Water for Chocolate' moment herself, I'm told.

I am proud of this fruit (isn't tomato a fruit?)...Why? Because it grows so well here in Pennsylvania. I love eating food that not only is from Central PA, but also love eating food that reaps successfully in Central PA. It reminds me that I am planted here too, and I too can reach my potential here! Also, at harvest time, I think it's important for all of us to take stock of what has been learned over the past year and to let that information seep into the long-term memory so that we can learn all the new things we need to for the coming year.

I bought the tomatoes you see above and other yummies from the local farmer's market. Andi (my neighbor and close friend) and I are considering a CSA, or Community Supported Agriculture, so we would have a direct relationship with the farmer, buying a share of a crop for a season. I wasn't so hype on the idea several months ago when it was first introduced to me; after this season of eating, however, I am sold. Bring on the sundry veggies!
These are some flowers that I bought at the farmer's market. I love having flowers at my desk in my home office (ahem, Jason!). Looks like Strawberry, Jason's bear, likes having them there too.
I'm keeping Strawberry around while I'm at school because he is an erudite bear (he taught me that word) and keeps me in line with my assignments.

I will post photos of the changing season as it occurs so that those friends and family (i.e., Florida, Texas, Oklahoma, downtown Chicago - kidding!) can enjoy seeing the changing of the seasons in the east. It's so lovely.

California

Jason and I flew to California on June 19, 2007 after finding out by e-mail that Jason's best friend Nick had recently ended his life. It took everything we had to pull ourselves onto the plane knowing that Nick wouldn't be there to meet us at the airport (we had a planned vacation to see him on 6/19). We arrived in Oakland with disillusioned, heavy hearts. Despite the utter shock and dismay we felt, we managed to feel our bond with both Nick and each other, and this strengthened us while we were out there. Perhaps it was also the cliffs in Klamath, Martha's family's ranch in Philo, and the summer solstice submerging us with sunlight that assisted our resolve; nevertheless, we had a very special time and decided that this is where we want to marry next year.

Mendocino, California - Route 101
Humboldt Redwoods State Park


Avenue of the Giants, surrounded by Humboldt Redwoods State Park,
which has the largest remaining stand of virgin redwoods in the world.

Van Damme State Park, CA.

Beth and Strawberry - Outside of Klamath, CA. on Route 101


Skunk Train Bridge, Fort Bragg, CA (view to the east). For those coming
to the wedding, Information on the Skunk Train and to get tickets can be found here.
Skunk Train Bridge, Fort Bragg, CA.
(view from the east - Summer Solstice, June 21, 2007)
Klamath Beach - the whole place was ours for two days. We felt like
we had just landed on Earth.

View from our campsite


After our camping in the very north of California by Oregon, we headed down to the Highland Ranch in Philo to visit Martha, whom we originally had plans to visit, along with Nick, for a world music festival. We stayed only one day, but the day was packed, and the whole visit was renewal for us given the troubling times we'd had.

Stevie D. co-piloting Route 128 to Philo!


Beth, Jason, Martha and Tim, Highland Ranch Martha and Beth, Highland Ranch
Martha picking the pluots (I think she's munching on one too!)

What we picked for the tarts!
Martha and her cousin bringing pluots back to the kitchen for tart-making

Martha's cousin, Beth, and Martha (I think this is where I
want the wedding ceremony to be held, by these trees and swing)

Highland Ranch is a working dude ranch; thus, horseback riding was a must!
Our riding group through the ranch forest
Jason on the horse! Giddyap!

View of the lake from the oak trees and swing (where I want the
wedding ceremony held)

Martha at the lake with cattails
Tim at the lake, Highland Ranch
Inside the main house of Highland Ranch, hanging out with the Gaines family

Stevie D, guarding the cabin
Stevie D's view from our cabin at Highland Ranch

Jason and Beth outside of the main house
Martha , Beth, Jason and Tim, Highland Ranch
Ya'll can figure out by now why we want to marry here, huh? It's perfect. We felt at home, and being there made us feel closer to Nick in a wonderful way. I think he would have loved the ranch, and we missed him not being there.




After we left Highland Ranch, we popped into San Fran for the night to have dinner with Jason's good friend Dave B. and his lady, Nicole. We went to the Haight for dinner and then hung out in our hotel room for a bit. It was so nice to see familiar faces in the city - we needed to have positive memories of San Francisco, not just the sad reminders. Thanks to Bryan and Rebecca for the room at the White Swan Inn, their breakfast quiche was fabulous.


Beth, Jason, David and Nicole, San Francisco, June 2007

Beth on Geary Street, San Francisco
"Most of what we take as being important is not material, whether it's music or feelings or love. They're things we can't really see or touch. They're not material, but they're vitally important to us." ~Judy Collins